‘I confess’ Tune- Miriam O’Gara- Kilmurry

I Confess, I really enjoy taking the prayers of the church and adding simple melodies. It’s a great way to meditate on the prayer itself.

In recent years I have found myself called back to the practice of my Catholic faith. It’s been an unusual and interesting experience because although I have never stopped being spiritual and always acknowledged my need for prayer, I was perfectly willing to embrace the fact that there were many other ‘roads’ or paths, to finding God within us, and I certainly gavitated towards more effective ways to meditate and personal healing and energy that these paths readily accessed, particularly in these hectic days where our lives are ruled by social media and working out of hours and online.

The change or ‘reversion (slang for those returning to practise the faith),’ hinged on three points. Firstly, years ago I had had fallen a way from Catholism because of some contact with a new Catholic lay fraternity within the French Catholic Church that in the end threw my understanding of what God wanted of me into chaos. The community were too disperate and fundamentalist for me. Not fundamentalist in the orthadox Catholic sense, but in the autocratic sense, with one person holding all of the power and clearly being viewed as The Leader. Very dangerous, so I ran. The best thing and the only thing to have done in the end. I was very young but my instinct told me to flee. I saw the veneer of supposedly faithful and loyal friendship shatter as soon as promotion came into the view of that leader.  That was in 1987 and sadly, it seems autocracy had had it’s way and that group has I am told, lost 80% of their community. Looking back, my lived Catholic experience up to that point, which had been full of the richness of Irish liberal Catholicism, had by example, informed me that no man is an island. That accountability to a higher authority is extremely important when dealing with the spiritual welfare of others – we are influencing not just their spiritual but their entire life experience and, depending on their age, world view.

Secondly, and this may be difficult for some to understand, I missed confession. I never ever went weekly, but finding oneself without it, over decades, was immensely hard. The sacrement of confession is a powerful Healer.

This takes me to my third point; I think the penny dropped that we are living in a time where people are realising their need for full protection in the spiritual sense, because with the wonders of the Internet, which can be used for so much good when in responsible hands, has also come intrusion, obsession (particularly following the pandemic) and a window into the activities of what I see as the work of Evil. This has severely bound and trapped so many of our young (but also elderly), in isolation, leaving them housebound in their rooms (where dark forces like to be. It’s not by chance that Jesus went into the desert to face the devil. Isolation is the Devil’s bag) and away from light energising communities. How then do we protect ourselves? Can we bullet proof ourselves spiritually?

I’ve always been clairsentient. Many was the time I would walk into a building and knew something wanted me out. Sometimes I would want to be sick or even, as in 2016 in an arts centre, walked over the threshold into a room only to be punched in my diaphragm by an invisible entity in the room. This last experience was a wake up call to the fact that I was exposed. I was not drawing on any kind of spiritual protection and so I began to research this in earnest. Mediumship protection was just the start. This further lead me into researching in detail the protection the Catholic Church offers and the binding prayers of the church available to the laity.

So in answer to the question, can we bulletproof ourselves spiritually? Yes. We can’t bulletproof ourselves against all harm but we can bulletproof our souls. The tools are there. We have power from sacrements such as baptism, communion (were we received the Body of Christ for the First time) and importantly confirmation, where we received ‘the sacrament’ (when something is literally passed on to us by Christ himself via the bishop or priest) the gifts of the Holy Spirit, wisdom etc. The main tool here being the oil of Chrism. But we must draw on the gifts. The sacrament has power. The Bishop annoints us with Chrism (this is believed to also send out the aroma of Christ) and we become armed for Christian life. The Catholic church is aware that dark forces back off when we draw on these spiritual tools and graces. The fact is, so many forget about the power of the sacrament of confirmation. It embues us with so much authority as a follower of Christ but in truth, who of us ever calls on its power in crisis? I know I didn’t but I certainly do now.

So with all that in mind, I have reverted to Catholism again.  Over 34 years I have learned that small disperate church groups within the Catholic church, must ultimately come under the authority of the whole church, lead by the bishops. I’ve learned that when Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the light,” what he was actually saying was, no one human being can be The Way, it takes a devine being, only the Son of God could remain uncorrupted through such a journey. Even the Pope himself makes his decrees after much open discussion and consultation (we often complain over how long these can go on for), and if there is one thing you can say about Pope Frances, it’s that he has started so many fresh discussions in the church which in turn has brought much needed change and clarification to the body.

Yes, we find God within us. Yes listening to his voice within is essential but to ensure discernment, to cross-check whether that voice is pure, the prayers of the church can assist. The rosary can apply protection against the many rogue voices in our heads. Confession is protection (Catholic exhorists always go to confession before an exorcism because demons are known to hurle abuse including unconfessed sins back at the priest but once the are confessed they have no access to them) – and then there is holy water. Dark forces dislike Holy Water proven to keep dark thes forces at bay. There is just so much in the Catholic church to draw on for protection that actually works. Not to mention Holy Easter salt – the tools are there to be used in faith

Today, I am especially greatful for my period of time as a non-practising follower. It has made me all the more appreciative for the richness of my faith and inparticular my Catholic faith.

Keep the faith always.

Miriam O’Gara-Kilmurry


13 April. 2023